A Sermon by Pastor Tom Lacey . . .

TRUTH WITH TACT

Ephesians 4:25-5:2, Preached at Congregational Church of Boca Raton, August 5, 2007

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead." Wow, that’s a lot of truth.

Our text this morning is about speaking the truth, among other things, but doing so without losing grace. We need to be careful about opening our mouths and forgetting our heart. When you engage your mouth, don’t disengage your heart. Of course we can say anything we want to, but we shouldn’t. Even if you have to say something that’s difficult, you can almost always work it around so it doesn’t sound sooo tough. Think of marketing professionals. Now they’re not often cited in sermons as examples to live by, but they do know how to make things sound good, like after the interoffice softball game, held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. To show just how the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game: "The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the Summer Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game." People often think that just because they know the truth, they can say it anyway they want, without regard to your feelings. It’s up to you to handle it. While it’s true that the truth will set you free, it’s also not supposed to set you off. Honesty does not require a pound of someone else’s flesh and feelings. Scripture says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone.” Col. 4:6  So be gentle, even when you know what’s true. Think how you would want to hear something. Take a moment before talking to construct the best way of presenting something. What’s a couple of seconds compared to someone else’s feelings. Excel not just in telling truth, but in getting people to hear it and accept it.

What we want to see this morning is how important it is to speak the truth graciously.

For most people, this is an acquired skill. It just isn’t easy. Saying, “I’m busy. Leave me alone right now” is so much faster and more to the point than thanking someone for their interest or concern and suggesting that perhaps we might talk about this matter as soon as I have time to be able to devote full attention to the subject, seeing as how it is important to you. Graciousness requires a verbal dexterity, a communicative capability that exceeds many people’s patience with others. But stretching ourselves for the sake of others is not new to living a Christ-type of life. But it is a skill anyone and everyone can learn.

Awhile ago, Marit and I were at a Publix Supermarket. It’s a new one with lots of aisle space. A woman, probably in her late sixties, early seventies, was driving an electric shopping cart with what looked like a granddaughter of eleven also riding along. I smiled a bit at them as they motored past me. It seemed like the woman thought of smiling to me but then didn’t. Ten minutes later, Marit and I got to talking with a neighbor acquaintance of ours. We were standing in front of the sandwich meat aisle, in one of those bigger aisles. I saw the woman and her granddaughter coming closer right before her voice hit us: “Move out of my way. You’re not supposed to be blocking the aisle.” She kept coming closer as Marit and I moved back toward the sandwich meats. All the while I was thinking, there was plenty of room for her to go past us and continue on her way. But we moved the wrong way, you see. And again: “You’re still in my way. I’m trying to get to the sandwich meats, and you’re blocking it.” By this time, the man we were talking to started to get into it with her. Marit and I just slinked away from the verbal fireworks. We were where she needed to be, that’s true. But truth is not enough. This woman rode around like a tactical nuclear weapon. She got what she needed but the fallout and damage that resulted became bigger problems than what she started with. If what you say leads to a bigger headache than what you started with, what you said shouldn’t have been said. This is not just a human relationship formula. God holds this same perspective. “The law indeed was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” And right before this, at verse 14, "And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory of a father’s own son, full of grace and truth.” In both cases, grace comes before truth. Gracious truth, truthful grace, is God’s calling card in Jesus Christ. God could have said truth upon truth, that’s all that’s necessary, which is sort of the way the Law is. But it’s not enough. As a pastor, I find it is very important not to say no to you, to any of you. A no is unnecessary, even when it’s the right answer. I don’t like hurting your feelings for sure, but I also don’t think I have been your pastor if I resort to no. There are other ways of communicating a different direction is needed than by this one-syllable collision. In our home lives, we do have to say no or disagree with our families members to a certain extent. But we can also see the other viewpoint’s validity, even if it’s only a sliver, and then go from there. Try “Yes, that’s true, but…,” rather than an out and out “No,” or whatever form your way of rejecting someone’s take on something is. Feel with them for a moment, even if you don’t agree with them. Remember they are just as valid as a human being before God as you are, even if they are children or even grandchildren. 

Someone remembers two very different art teachers. In first grade, Mr. Lohr said my purple teepee wasn't realistic enough, that purple was no color for a tent, that purple was a color for people who died, that my drawing wasn't good enough to hang with the others. I walked back to my seat counting the swish swish swishes of my baggy corduroy trousers. With a black crayon, nightfall came to my purple tent in the middle of an afternoon. In second grade, Mr. Barta said, "Draw anything." He didn't care what. I left my paper blank and when he came around to my desk, my heart beat like a tom-tom. He touched my head with his big hand and in a soft voice said, "The snowfall. How clean and white and beautiful." J Canfield, M Hansen, A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup Grace sees where people are and what they can handle at the time.

Paul says that we have to be honest with each other. Therefore speak truthfully. We shouldn’t cover up problems that we’re having, hide behind clichéd phrases like “We’re fine,” and avoid growth-producing situations. Scripture tells us we do this because we are members of one another. We are joined together. Your honesty helps me. My integrity elevates you, which reminds me of a defending attorney who was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No." The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "Did you check for breathing?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere." Now, there’s verbal honesty and there is emotional honesty and you can’t have one without the other. You can be angry—that’s emotional honesty. But there’s a limit you have to set on it because you and your spouse, your siblings, your fellow Christians, etc, are members of one another. Do not let the sun go down on your anger so that this stuff doesn’t stretch on for days. Take care of what’s taking over you. If you don’t, then you’re making space for bad things to happen between you and someone else.

Bobby was feeling down. He had just been cut from the school basketball team. To make matters worse, his dad had found out that he had stolen some items from a store. When his father talked to Bobby, he let his son explain what happened at school and the store. The father told him that God can use disappointments early in life, like being cut from the team, to prepare us for bigger ones that are sure to come. Then he firmly told his son that he would not tolerate shoplifting. Bobby quickly promised he would never steal again. Even though his dad felt sorry for him, he made Bobby face the consequences of his actions by returning the stolen goods to the store manager and confessing what he had done. God is gentle with His children too—tender, but never compromising the truth.

A truth of the Christian story is that Jesus was innocent. He should never have been betrayed, tried, scourged, convicted, crucified, murdered, and buried. But he was. One truth, Jesus’ innocence, was hidden but only so that a greater truth, the Truth could be revealed: “For God so loved the world—that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.” This is the word of God, the gospel of our salvation, the hope of our hearts. God’s word gives grace and truth to all who hear it.  

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