A Sermon by Pastor Tom Lacey . . .

HOW TO UNDO ANGER

1Samuel 25:1-17, Preached at Congregational Church of Boca Raton, August 26, 2007

A 75-year-old man went to his doctor for a physical examination. The doctor went through all the procedures and found everything to be perfect. "It's amazing," the doctor said to the patient. "You have the body of a man 25 years younger. What's your secret?" The patient replied: "Well, when my wife and I were married fifty years ago, we made an agreement. We decided never to fuss or to argue with one another. Whenever we have a difference of opinion that causes friction and we can see a fight coming on, she just stays in the house and I go out for a long walk. I guess my good health is due to the fact that for fifty years I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."

There are lots of ways of dealing with anger—or not dealing with it.

Anger pumps up our blood pressure. More sugar pours into our system. The heart beats faster. More adrenaline is secreted to dilate the pupils of the eyes, and chemical changes occur in the blood. Even tissue changes take place. Physiologically as well as emotionally, we have changed, and it happens to all of us. Because it does, anger is no stranger to the Bible.

Already by the fourth chapter of Genesis, the first family suffers the deadly effects of anger when Cain kills his brother Abel in a rage of jealousy and anger. Moses goes into a fit of anger when he comes down from Mount Sinai with the tablets of the law and finds the Israelites worshiping an idol. He smashes the tablets, grinds up the golden calf into powder, and force-feeds it to the idol worshippers, who are then slaughtered. Moses was angry!

The apostle Paul was angered by some preachers in Galatia who were demanding the Gentiles to be circumcised. In an outburst of anger, Paul said he hoped they would mutilate themselves. Paul was angry!

Scripture says, "Be angry but do not sin," which reminds me of a story about professional golfer Tommy Bolt. On the golf course Bolt was known for two things—his graceful swing and his terrible temper. Once, after missing six straight putts, generally leaving them teetering on the very edge of the cup, Bolt shook his fist at the heavens and shouted, "Why don't you come down and fight like a man!" See, be angry, but don’t sin. We can get angry about certain things, but how we deal with this emotional and physiological change makes all the difference. Bad anger and toxic anger, says the Letter of James, "does not work the righteousness of God." So be careful how far you take your righteous indignation. Put the brakes on early and breathe. We all get disappointed in others, and others get disappointed in us. Don’t prize perfectionism, so you won’t be surprised when they aren’t perfect.

What we want to see this morning is that anger’s cost is awfully high.

Lashing out almost always seems at the time to be the correct choice but it almost never is. One of the best gifts you can give yourself and your loved ones is to lose the Mad Max or Maxine routine. It’s gotten all the play it ever should have and more than likely too much. Instead, go take a walk. Exhale. Look down at your thumbs and play roly-poly with them. Think of a line that you can say to yourself over and over again that will take you away from the stress and distress like, “the green hills of Ireland are a fine place to play.” Seriously, I knew a fellow Seminary student from South Africa. He was trained to withstand both physical and mental torture by repeating a secret line over and over. This was during the Apartheid era, and he was tortured and he made it through. Now I’m not saying you’re being tortured but we do get placed under a lot of stress. Try it, it might work.  

In our Scripture, Nabal is owner of three thousand sheep and a thousand goats; married to the prettiest girl in town; owner of rich pasture lands a few miles south of Hebron and a harsh employer of countless servants who labor for him without benefit of a union contract. He is rich. Actually, the Hebrew word is heavy—the guy is loaded. But Nabal, whose name means fool, as in the biblical “There is no God” type of fool, lives like there is no higher and better authority, and also plays a dangerous game.

One day, ten men who worked for David dropped by to see him. They had been out in the fields protecting Nabal’s flocks from sheep rustlers. They were hungry and they asked for food. Nabal was furious. "Shall I take my bread and water and meat and give it to men who are strangers?” When David heard about the insult to his men he was so angry he wanted to kill the old fool. He wanted to pursue a scorched earth policy and wipe Nabal’s farm off the face of the earth. One commentator has remarked that all of Nabal’s troubles started when he said "no" to someone in need. Because he refused the crust of bread to a stranger, all of his power and glory would be taken from him. The truth however is not that idealistic. Look, David is no goody-goody. He is closer to being the mafia than the police. What type of policeman would threaten to destroy a whole farm and family because the man of the house didn’t make a payment, er, I mean, feed his men? David isn’t the police. He is a mafia type Don. He’s a warlord, who receives “protection” money. How else is he going to get money to feed his men? What else are all his warriors good at? He certainly isn’t going to start farming. What we have here is Nabal trying to buck the system. He is a big man and he feels he can flaunt his freedom and his sense of fairness. But David flies into a rage and sets about to make an example of Nabal to any other would-be rebels. Not the prettiest picture of David, is it? But these weren’t pretty times and David is trying to survive.

In the New Testament Jesus showed anger at the money changers in the temple, overturning their tables and driving them out. Jesus was angry with the Pharisees who watched to see whether he would heal someone on the Sabbath. Mark says Jesus was grieved at the hardness of their hearts and looked around at them with anger. Jesus expressed anger toward Peter when he shot back, "Get behind me, Satan. Your way is not the way of God." Jesus was angry! Anger can be positive and have a rightful place in life. The thing though is to avoid becoming a negative, destructive hater. Many people believe they can pick out what is evil and what is good. After all, we are supposed to hate what is evil and love what is good. We are supposed to love what God loves and hate what God hates. It seems easy enough right? But honestly now that’s a lot of power in our very mortal, fallible hearts and hands. Jesus didn’t recommend hating your enemy. Heck, he is famous the world over for saying love your enemy. Be careful hating others, or their values.

Anger is alright as long as you don’t sin, but anger is also called one of the seven deadly sins, so the edge is awfully close and awfully brittle.

In his rage, David sets out to Nabal’s. On his way, he meets with this reckless perhaps fearless but definitely foolish man’s wife, Abigail. She is both intelligent and beautiful. She has heard what has transpired and can figure out that David and his four hundred armed warriors are not coming for high tea. She has her servants put together enough food to feed an army, literally: two hundred loaves of bread, two jugs of wine, five sheep already prepared, five measures of roasted grain, a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs. She puts them on donkeys and sends them ahead of her by her servants. She prepares a feast to save her husband’s life and possibly even her own. I know she knows they are hungry, but even so, that’s a lot of food. When Abigail meets David she bows down, calls herself “your maidservant,” and eight times she calls David “my lord.” She is one wise person. Yes, I know, all men would love to be treated like this, but she does this only to save lives. And the times were very different. But the point here is that you’ve done someone wrong, or now you have become responsible for someone else’s foolishness, you have to be tactful, gracious, willing to make amends, and to draw out some compassion from the other person. We do have to say we are sorry, perhaps more than once. We should give presents and gifts when we have made a mess of things. Go ahead make the other person feel good, especially if you have made her or him feel bad.

And in this case, it works. Abigail’s plan works with David. David says to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to me. And blessed be your discernment, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodshed, and from avenging myself by my own hand.” David had a heart of compassion. He was not a murderer, and he was so glad when someone had given him the path to peace. He would have been in the wrong had he done what he had planned on, and he was grateful that God had sent this wise woman into his life. We have to listen to the wise, discerning counselors in our lives. God has our back and sends us people who our watching for our hearts. So put down your anger and pick up your humility.  

Have you ever noticed that anger can cause us to do some dumb things? Several years ago William F. Merten of Mt. Clemens, Michigan, wrote to Reader’s Digest to tell about a memorable argument he had with his wife. The argument was well under way as they left a party one evening. Once they were in the car, words were flying. The area they were driving through was not the best, so they stopped arguing just long enough to lock the doors. Then they started again. Merton’s wife had really worked up a storm, and after a few choice words from him, she shouted, "Stop the car and let me out!" Merton pulled over to the curb. His wife unlocked the door and got out, but then looked around and got back in again. Looking a little sheepish she said, "Take me to a better neighborhood." That broke them both up” and the argument too.

If you want to be angry, take pride in being a perfectionist and expect perfection in everyone else. Be a picky person; make it a habit. If you want to be angry, don't listen to anyone else's view but keep pushing your own. No one else in the world knows as much as you do. Always believe that your way is the best way. If you want to be miserable, overload your schedule. Make yourself so busy that you are always on edge, ensuring that you are like a rubber band stretched and always ready to snap at the slightest little thing. If you want to be angry, expect other people to cater to your needs. If you want to be miserable, have no compassion for others. Show no concern for the poor and the jobless. Forget that the Bible talks about helping others and showing compassion. If you want to be angry, never pay any attention to your own faults and weaknesses. Focus instead on the faults and weaknesses of others. And above all learn to be offended at any remarks and corrections that are directed your way. Do these, practice these, and you will be unable to undo anger.

But there is another way, a way of being blessed and being a blessing; a way of peace, harmony, calmness, and strength. Honor God, honor yourself, honor those who live with and love you cease from strife; forgo anger, pursue peace. Sow peace and reap joy, for God blesses those who walk in unity with his Spirit.

Return to Sermons (table of contents)

Return to Homepage of the Congregational Church of Boca Raton