A Sermon by Pastor Tom Lacey . . .

perspective: having and giving it

Genesis 25:29-34, Preached at Congregational Church of Boca Raton, September 20, 2009

A man was driving home from work one day when he stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near his
home. As he sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, he asked one
of the boys what the score was. “We’re behind 14 to nothing,” he answered
with a smile. “Really,” the man said. “I have to say you don’t look very
discouraged.” “Discouraged?” the boy asked with a puzzled look on his
face. “Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet.” Now that's keeping your perspective.

In one of his stand up routines, George Carlin classically and bluntly observed how we often seem a bit self-directed when it comes to having perspective about other people's driving. “Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.”

Perspective: It’s not always easy to have it; it’s often difficult to share it. As individuals, we need to acquire it, to get wisdom. Of course for one person the right thing is different than for someone else. An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing." As parents, not only do we need perspective, we also ought to be able to pass it on, to teach it to our children.

In our scripture it appears only one of Isaac and Rebecca's sons have gained some wisdom so far. Esau can't keep straight what's important and what's less so--and it's going to cost him this time. The concept of birthright in the Hebrew Scriptures is inseparably linked through the Hebrew language with the notion of “firstborn.” There is only birthright for the firstborn. Birthright alludes to the privileges and expectations of these male children, the rights of primogeniture, first birth. The first born receives double portion of the inheritance and the right to bear the family’s name, as well as other privileges. They are the patriarch and standard bearer for the family. This status was seen as graciously bestowed by God.

Esau as firstborn was the main man. He was dad’s lieutenant, a hunter like his father, with all the rewards, obligations, and joys that come with being father’s favorite. When he shows up at home famished and sees Jacob sitting over a pot of boiling, delicious, nutritious, pottage, or lentil soup, as the NRSV says, he sees what he wants, what he expects to get, and gives away his birthright, something that he never thought he would really have to fight for. But the truth is, Esau showed what he was made of, and what he held dear, when push came to shove. Now just so you know, the contrast between birthright and soup should not be interpreted as a contrast of spiritual and material, as we might think. The birthright is fully as real as the red soup. Birthright meant security, prosperity, fertility, and land. The contrast was in reality between deferred and immediate material blessing. Esau is hungry and cannot wait. We are not told if Jacob is hungry. Perhaps he also is hungry. But he can wait. Jacob, later to be named Israel, in his faithfulness is prepared to wait. What is clear is that Jacob believes in futures to which Esau is indifferent. He wouldn’t receive his inheritance until his father died, and that looked a long way off. Waiting can be done in faith that the future is coming and will be turned in blessing toward the one who waits. A faithful person does not doubt that God can be trusted. So have patience. Wait for God and for good. Do not take whatever is at hand, but invest, negotiate, save, learn, grow, trust, and God’s hand will open for your good.

Perhaps our story understands the differences between older and younger siblings, the conservative vs. the risk-taker. The oldest is often the one who has to manage and control blessings; while the younger is the one who must take risks and search for such good things. To the firstborn, blessings come as expectation, right; to the younger, they come as gifts, unexpected and dreamed about—perhaps even schemed over. We see that Jacob keeps his perspective on what is of real value while Esau loses his.

John O’Neil, remembers in his book, The Paradox of Success, an unusual incident that opened his eyes. He says, “One of my perks was a company car and driver, and I was inordinately proud of this badge of success. I loved to give my associates rides—what's a perk without some strutting? And I wanted my driver to be another friendly admirer, part of my supportive audience. No matter how much I tried to chat him up, however, he remained distant, responding correctly but coolly. Finally, I asked him if there was a problem. Had I offended him in some way? He tried to duck the question but eventually responded with classic New York directness. He said, "All you seem to think about or do is work, and it doesn't even look like you enjoy yourself. I guess you're nice enough, but frankly, from my point of view, your life is real boring." Is your life boring or blessed? Where are the blessings? Can you see what God is giving you now? Can you trust, work and wait for what God wants to give you tomorrow? How do we tell, teach, reveal to our children where the blessings of life are?

As parents, teaching children how to find the good when in the midst of conflict, confusion, or contradictions, is a most important test of parenting; it’s even more difficult when we do this without sounding trite and irrelevant to their situation, or insensitive to their pain. When a child’s value system is under attack, when they are caught up in peer pressure, or unsure about how much to commit to school, friends, or extracurricular activities, parents need to help them come to some less confused and frustrating perspective on who they want to be. This is not just about talking about the birds and the bees with your child, or about alcohol and drugs with your teenager, though they are definitely part of the whole parenting package. The package is big and complex. And has gotten even more complex and more difficult because of changes that started to occur to families some forty years ago. Samuel Sava of the National Association of Elementary School Principals saw this back in the early 90’s. “This family revolution (higher divorce rate, single-parent homes, working moms) is the greatest single cause of the decline in student achievement during the last 20 years. It's not better teachers, texts or curricula that our children need most; it's better childhoods, and we will never see lasting school reform until we first see parent reform.” In no way is this condemnation of what has happened. We have become who we have become. Both parents working, being a single mom, having stepchildren, or your children being friends with children who grow up in a wide variety of family compositions and parenting capability make teaching children what is right and wrong, good and bad, better and “worser” a very demanding task. The issue is how to respond, today, in our families, with our children. I just want to dispel one notion: Intensive parenting doesn’t end when a child reaches kindergarten. The more time, energy, focus we invest in our children up to the teenage years, the better and smoother those toughest years will be.

In G.K. Chesterton's Hammer of God, Father Brown says, "One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak." By this, he means the people who distance themselves from others, and from the struggles and realities of this challenging world, tend to view others with superior airs, from a haughty and critical perspective. We always want what is best for our children, and parents are too often willing to pour all the goods and services they can buy for them. It's natural to want to protect our children from what may hurt them, physically and emotionally; but this protection may also stunt them. We want to set them up high, guarded, and safe from all dangers. But we can never accomplish this truly. What is better is to help them to find the benefit of the struggle; what is right is to give them the sort of perspective that values the valley. It is when our children rise from the floor that they find out what they are made of.

For our children, we should want them to find the advantage in being disadvantaged and not to take advantage of those disadvantaged; to recognize the difficult comes to an end, and the good times don't always last; To believe in themselves, to know what's important and stick to their goals; to work hard, stay in the game, and get better; to keep their head held high, values in tow, and passions under control; to know that many friends come and go, but a few true good ones remain; to follow their heart to help, and let people's stories move them to compassion and action.

Kids want their mom or dad to teach them how to act, what to do or not to do, as the case may be. But you have to teach them what you really mean and what they really need to do--because some children really do listen. I remember in third grade, getting into a fight at school. Not much of a fight actually. Craig got behind me, grabbed hold of my face with fingers and nails and raked them hard across my eyes, leaving burning and bleeding scratches across my eyelids and cheeks. He was suspended for two days. At home, my mom helped take care of the battle wounds, and asked me why I didn't fight back. I said, "Because you told me not to fight with other kids." My mom said that didn't mean not to defend myself. Oops.

Don't be afraid to teach. Use words. Let them ask questions. Pray for help in guiding your child to what's best. Children not only listen but they will become doers as well. They are truly believers, and in their own way, also our teachers. In an adult Sunday school class, a woman told about her struggle to find ways of responding to her elementary-aged children when they drove by a homeless person holding a sign that read Hungry. Need food. The children wanted to stop. They insisted that something should be done to help this person get food. My friend said it was obvious to her that this man had been drinking and that while he might be hungry, he probably was more interested in drinking beer. But her children were not convinced. She was caught between her desire to teach generosity to her children and her reluctance to give money that would be spent on alcohol. In addition, this man was not the only such person they passed on their regular route to work and school. She talked with her children about it and they decided to keep a bag of groceries in the back of the car, mostly bread and peanut butter. When they came upon a hungry man or woman, they reached into the bag and handed them food.

The hardest and most rewarding work we do doesn't necessarily happen between nine and five. The most rewarding, the most challenging work occurs before and after, for no compensation and no promotion. Our children's real happiness is pay enough.

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